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| it's been odd lately. why? i'll tell you.
a) i'm gaining weight. and i hate being fat already. i hate my metabolism.
b) i may not ever be happy, but right now i'm content. it's a great feeling. | | |
| - sullen girloooooooh big surprise gale's feeling sad. I think i try way too hard to
be happy. There are just times when everything seems really hopeless.
and it's hard to describe it unless you've been there. You're just
like...what's the point? there's nothing else. nothing will ever
change, i'll never do anything, so why be here?
Then you think about it later and you're like "wow was I an idiot for thinking that." Oh well.
It's almost my birthday. Yay me.
i'm watching this show, that appeared normal at first. it was this
pregnant lady yelling with her husband. then all of a sudden, after
like 15 minutes of seemingly normal yelling, this bulge comes out of
her stomach. like an arm of an alien. it was some crazy shit. I was
like "what the hell kind of show is this?"
Supposedly Jesus has something to do with this show...but i can't tell that yet. Hm.
oh well.
i'm done.
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| - Us Oh wow. Big surprise. I'm here alone in my room on a friday night. Everybody always has someone else they want to be with other than me. I'm never as good as anybody else.
I really don't know what else to say. I guess i'll go to bed. I never know if i made the right decisions about anything. That's the core of it all. That i always think i made the wrong decision.
There's a roach banner above this entry box and it's freaking me out. I don't like roaches. But I can be around them without crying now. I say it's pretty good.
A friend of mine needed my help last night. He cut himself up all on his chest and arms, and i had to help him out a bit. He's a really really nice guy, and it hurts me to see him sad, because he's incredibly smart and generous. But anyway.
I'm tired.
Go to my livejournal and be my friend if you want to really know what's going on in my life. I only write in here every once in a while. I write in livejournal all the time, which i love because not many people can see it at all. I don't like to publicly share my emotions.
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| well i'm feeling better. last night and the night before were awful. i was in such a haze of having everyone hating me. it was awful. it got to that point where i had to call lauren so i could have someone with me so i wouldn't do anything. I just get so confused. When i'm around my friends sometimes i think they like me and then i just get ignored and put down and told mean things to, and i just get that everyone doesn't even want me around. Then i get into the "well i don't have any friends, and i have no hope in my life, etc. etc." then i think about school, and how nothing will ever change, and the only thing i'm good for is to die, so what am i even doing here?
so yeah feeling better from that. not like you cared, lol. oh fuck it.
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